it's been days
since I last posted. Such a fab idea, weblogs. No need to worry about anyone finding your diary; just post your innermost thoughts on the world-wide web and no-one will ever read them.

Haven't done much. Have been the victim of theft (one bicycle) and unwanted lechery (one ugly white supremacist male with a house full of hardcore porn - what a catch). Oh and received an annual pay rise of #26 a month, I'm ecstatic.

Well, St Patrick's Day was a roaring success. I got caught up in a riot in the centre of Belfast which of course went utterly unreported in the media. But as Gerry et al are in Washington being feted by the moron Bush I suppose we can't allow the sordid realities to get in the way of the entirely fictitious Peace Process.

Talking of the media, have you ever read the abject, arrant rubbish spewed by the Arts correspondents on the Guardian newspaper? Go and read it now, if you want a laugh. Some stupid woman architect is waxing elegiac about the rapidly disappearing splendours of the 'brutalist school'(that's concrete tower blocks to you and me). Apparently it is a style which 'blends ideally with the British climate and landscape' and 'stains beautifully'. When I read this I was nearly prostrate on the floor with gasping disbelief and had to be revived by playing T-Rex at full blast. And this is what passes for Thought in this country.

Thursday - I went on a driving lesson this morning; I think I did quite well, only mounting the kerb once, and that was in reverse. Oh God, I hate cars so much, but I suppose we all have to have them nowadays, since walking is being rapidly phased out.

Friday - went to work. I don't think I will mention work anymore; it really is too dull. Came home and spent the evening watching Carry On At Your Convenience.

Saturday - Rained appallingly, accompanied by lashing winds and sour milk-coloured skies. I do hate this time of year, it is so washed out and colourless. Sunday I went to the park and stole some daffodils to put on the grave of my beloved cat Mr G., who died two weeks ago today.

Just been watching the evening news from the BBC. No fewer than three leading figures - the Mayor of London, the head of the Metropolitan police, and a government minister - have all said in the past 24 hours that a terrorist attack on London is 'inevitable'. Imagine using that word! It's just naked sensationalism, and what purpose does it serve?

No work in the morning; it's St Patrick's Day tomorrow. Oh, such a sad time for we superannuated soaks. Going to bed now to drink coffee and read my biography of Charles I. Such a misunderstood man, and a terrible pity about his head.

This is a new weblog.

I have read a lot of these things and they seem to fall into one of several categories.

a)Horribly unpunctuated, achingly hip, sub-Bret Easton Ellis stream of consciousness nonsense, written by fat wasters who once smoked dope (but didn't inhale)

b)Unutterably dull political critiques, usually written by polytechnic lecturers

c)Unreadable obscenity

d)Proper diaries by real people (admittedly, a minority of about .00001%)

It would be nice if my blog took the form of the latter, as there is so much subliterate rubbish swilling round the Net.

Have a look and see if you like it.

6.30 p.m. Belfast. Raining.